What’s really sad is smart people being lookist or virtue-signalers who preach inclusivity for everyone except uggos.

Yes, it's ridiculous how diversity in every aspect of life is celebrated EXCEPT unattractiveness. People want to pretend they're open-minded and progressive but the instant they are confronted with ugliness they act exactly the same as everyone else. The body positivity movement comes close, but that's mainly about being overweight or disabled, not being facially repellent.

Alcoholics get their 12 steps to salvation, junkies – their Netflix shows, but there is no possible good outcome for an ugly woman, no one is even wanna think about it, crime against nature, are we?

The only possible road to salvation is a "glow up" or a "makeover" but of course no one's footing the bill except ourselves.

I could have written nearly every word of this myself (besides the admiration for any ‘Stacy’ lol, their very privilege is what often protects them or helps to mitigate the filth of the world, nothing to admire, they have the easiest time at it, even if the sordid reality may still reach some of them in other ways). Although I probably have allowed for more reflection and instances of facing the cold, hard truth in its entirety than most do (the human brain is relentless when trying to protect itself from facts that harm us, that’s why certain forms of gaslighting are so easy to implement in dismissing a person’s gripes), and these instances absolutely did break me, threw me into spirals and instilled a panic that moved me toward the closest sharp object. Bits and pieces are bad enough, but taking the whole thing in at once-every past thing, every horrid memory, every sign both overt and covert, every present misfortune as well as the future odds-will knock the wind right out of you (at least in my experience), and reduce you to a puddle of snot and tears and even spasms or desperate tics. Every time I break down like that, it’s a little death, a glass figurine shattering and being glued reluctantly back together…slowly, haphazardly, in a daze, over and over, until isolating and daydreaming under some sort of anesthetizing agent, of my own will or by a tangible substance, is the only way I can maintain some semblance of sanity and pacificity. And even then, that “maintenance” doesn’t keep, the fractured glass animal that I am comes crumbling apart and the shards become smaller and smaller, making more of a mess and leaving parts of me behind every time I try to “rebuild”.

I’m hurt every day by everyone and everything too, even distractions have “triggers” and reminders at every corner, society has no qualms about alienating us, even in the comfort of our own homes.

I know exactly what you mean by only feeling like yourself in small dosages, shielded from the outside world. It’s so much easier to be ‘me’ without people holding up a grotesque mirror in their eyes to disparage and misinterpret me. And you’re right about the “smart people”, those who have assessed exactly what is going on and know how harmful their own participation in it is, who still choose to go forward with the lookist bs, I cannot stand them, sometimes they’ll spit facts just to shrug their shoulders at them! Like a physicist explaining how gravity works only to be content -possibly as a bystander- as they watch a box of kittens be thrown off a bridge to prove their point. ..and those who signal virtue in other areas (many of which aren’t even as relevant or damning as our type of trauma) but willfully neglect THIS, are some of the worst excuses for human beings imaginable, pure scum gilded in glittering hypocrisy.

I don’t even have much else to respond because there’s not much more to say, you’ve covered the essence of living this nightmare, and the only coping mechanisms that allow us survival, which are still not enough to actually live, it comes down to wasting away in the end, no matter how we go about it, time is always passing us by. Unless a miracle transformation of appearance occurs at the right moment, or you have an insane ability to move through life and roll with the punches like a psychopath, I don’t see our flavor of situation leading to honest fulfillment or a life worth living, even people who get through certain periods of time by fooling themselves (mental gymnastics) don’t last very long, the sad reality will always win in the end, it will always make itself known. I accept that the reality is what it is-as in I don’t deny it to make myself feel any better, but I won’t accept living with it, I won’t accept enduring this pitiful continuance of suffering and desolation. God..I would trade this hell for so many others that people claim as unlivable, my resiliencies in other areas of life are rendered useless while I’m confined in this particular chokey of flesh.

I experience the same level of numb and dull but also because im sick, dissociating from reality and distracting its the only healthy way out,now that men are teaching other men that paying attention to us is "simping" i think it has gotten worse. I have tried to reach out to men in instagram to start a convo and it always leads nowhere, i dont do tinder or casual anything because that opens you up to being used and i already did that. i remember being in a hotel with a man and feeling absolutely nothing inside as he went inside of me and had sex for nearly 5 hours. I felt absolutely nothing the next two times we met up either so i decided to call it quits and never do any casual hookup anymore because the damage has been done, i felt nothing and men made me feel like i was nothing for 30 years of my life, guess what honey, im not going to suddenly feel excited about dick or sex or attention as a rare event out of nowhere.