i’m in that part of my life when people around me suddenly start to get married, birth babies like crazy or sign up for mortgage with the most repulsive guys i have ever met. recently i decided that i won’t hide my ire with such things anymore. i’ve always been asexual and antinatalist, but my irritation with our sex-obsessed culture seemed a little bit rude to me sometimes, especially when it came to my friends talking about their future families or discussing their random tinder hook ups or some other shit like that. like… it had nothing to do with me, the only thing i had to do in conversations like that was saying “yeah?” every other minute & pretending to listen… why would i be annoyed by theme we are “talking” about? but i don’t think i will be able to proceed to hide my true views even in circle of normie acquaintances. i’m also a radfem separatist, i’ve never dated a moid and always befriended women. my relationships with marriage and heterosexuality have always been difficult, i avoided all the stuff that could be connected to this even when i was a child. so the feeling that society doesn’t understand me is a known thing to me. i’m repulsed by conversations about pregnancy and motherhood, i hate sex & relationship talks. and it’s just words, but they bring so much boredom mixed with grumpiness to me. and can you imagine what happens if somebody invites me to childbirth-related party? fucking shoot me. another thing is that i don’t know how to act around children. i don’t like them, they usually don’t like me so we are even, but adults gain some weird social satisfaction when somebody compliments their children (how do you even do that?) so having friends with children is just tiring. there are also moments when a woman reveals her pregnancy and everybody starts to congratulate her and i’m standing there absolutely confused. what am i supposed to say? i feel absolutely numb about revelations like this, not because i don’t love my friends, but bc i’m not able to comprehend what’s so great about growing a parasite inside your body. it will probably ruin her physically and physiologically, and guy she is married to… well… sigh i can’t even distract myself by devouring media. there’s always something about relationships, giving birth or just plain misogyny everywhere. there are so many things to talk about, a whole world to explore, but people choose to mate like animals on noah’s arc, making their lives harder by having children and settling down in the most unsatisfying places they are able to find. and if they spend a few months or god forbid more being single, they will whine about it everywhere they can. honestly? i start to feel like an alien on this earth. i don’t understand all of this. i don’t want to understand all of this.